Southend U3A

April 2023

The Walk- Jan Norman

King Aga pumped Sir David Attleburgh’s hand with vigour and thanked him profusely for returning to Cam a Lot and giving more talks both in the castle and the town hall to encourage everyone to do their best to save the wildlife in this time of climate change. Sir David, in turn, praised the king’s efforts which, to date, included planting trees for the beavers by the riverside and setting the king’s gardeners to grow hundreds of saplings then distributing them to all citizens and organising tree planting days.

The next day, still fired up with enthusiasm, the king cajoled his wife, Queen Give it ‘ere, granny Fruit Loops, his favourite witch and wife of Sir Goes Berserk a Lot and the rest of his brave knights of the nearly round table to accompany him on a tree planting nature walk. This was to be along the windswept clifftops overlooking the sea below Cam a Lot.

‘We’ll only take a couple of horses to carry the saplings and shovels and the picnic food. The walk will be good for us all.’

Everybody exchanged glum glances and reluctantly agreed that walking, rather than riding, along the blustery, rock strewn, hilly cliff top path would be really fun and set out with little enthusiasm but with great determination to do their bit to save the planet.

Sir Gets it Wrong a Lot thought it was a marathon and, sporting a pair of day glo orange shorts and a competitor’s number on his back, set off at a fast jog. When a hundred yards in front of the main party, he tripped on the loose scree of quite an uphill section of the path and, losing his footing, began to roll back down the hill towards the king, who was leading the rest. King Aga, too busy gazing at a magnificent red kite circling overhead, failed to notice the rapid decent of Sir Gets it Wrong a Lot and ‘Oofed’ as his knight caught him amidships. Felled like a ten pin being struck with a bowling ball he began to roll towards the cliffs edge.

All the courtiers looked on horrified as, with a yell, he disappeared from sight.

Everyone rushed to the cliff and peered over the edge. There was the king a few hundred yards below them, hanging on for dear life to a straggly bush poking out from the cliff face. Hundreds of feet below him was the sea crashing against jagged rocks. Swinging wildly, he scrabbled at the chalk face with his feet but could not find a purchase.

‘Looking down in fear, he screamed, ‘Help, I can’t hold on much longer!’

Sobbing with fear, Queen Give it ‘ere shouted at everyone to save her dear man. All were galvanised into action. They had no ropes but several had ideas on how to make some. Queen Give It ‘ere started ripping strips off of her skirt, ready to knot together to make rope and Sir Pray a Lot stopped praying and rushed to help.

Sir Rust a Lot was shedding chain mail links, as was his want and Bony Knock Knees, his trusty steed, had an idea. Nudging Sir Rust a Lot he took a broken link and, scooping up a second, threaded it through the other, then bit the first link shut with his strong teeth.

‘Clever idea, bony old boy. We can make a chain. Sir Goes Berserk a Lot, you can help me thread links.’ replied Sir Rust a Lot whilst leading up Champagne, Queen Give it ‘eres horse. ‘You and Bony can bite them shut.’ Soon all you could hear was the sound of links clinking and horses’ teeth snapping shut like castanets.

Witch granny Fruit Loops, realising that King Aga could not hold on long enough, rushed for her broomstick strapped to Bony Knock Knees. Jumping on it, she launched herself skyward and, swooping downwards, hovered next to the king.

‘Aga I’m going to ram the broomstick between your legs and take your weight. It’s magic is not strong enough to let me fly you to safety but hopefully will hold you long enough for the others to fashion a rope. So saying, she guided the stick between his legs and lifted sharply.

After emitting a strangled cry, King Aga, in a falsetto voice, thanked Granny profusely.

Meanwhile, hearing the commotion above ground, a legion of earthworms surfaced to see what was going on. Sitting close by Sir Cry a Lot, who was wringing his tunic and sobbing profusely, stopped crying and explained the situation.

The worms, whose diet consisted of fallen leaves, were anxious to do their bit to save their king, who had planted so many trees and saved many a worm from starvation, thought hard.

The leader worm after looking at the chain and the cloth rope being made, had an idea of how to help. After talking with his fellows, he explained. ‘We are going to form a live rope by each one of us, making a link by holding our back ends in our mouths and the next worm threading themselves through the link and holding their tails and so on. We will carry the cloth rope to the king and land in his crown. Hearing the plan, a large snake slithered from under a nearby rock and offered to help. I will hold the last worm link and anchor around this rock.

‘You promise no swallowing? chorused the worms.

‘I promisssssssss.’ came the reply.

‘Hurry up, its failing.’ screamed Granny Fruit Loops, fighting hard to control a now bucking, backfiring broomstick.

Holding the cloth rope, the worm chain launched itself over the cliff and started to free-fall. An alert and anxious seagull, realising that the worms would miss their target, swooped to help. The lead worm, seeing his mortal enemy close, in closed his eyes in terror and awaited his fate but no, the bird gently caught the cloth in his beak and tugged it sideways and steered it into the king’s crown.

His job now done the snake released his hold and all the worms landed in a breathless heap on top of the king’s head.

Reaching in the king grabbed the cloth and pulled the whole rope towards him. Once safely secured round his waist, he gave Granny the office to take the broomstick away.

With the second loud ‘Oof’ of the day the king was left suspended on the rope. Bony Knock Knees and Champagne, taking the strain, backed slowly away from the cliff edge and hauled him to safety. Soon all were laughing and crying in their relief. None more so than their very happy king sitting on the ground with happy worms spilling over his crowns edge and tickling his face.

When they had all sobered up the king thanked his friends and all the creatures that had saved his life and promised he would do all in his power to repay them by restoring the countryside to its former glory. A lush green and plentiful source of food and shelter for all of God’s creatures to enjoy.