Writing for Fun
January 2020
Seven Deadly Sins - Richard Dobson
Pride, Envy, Anger, Sloth , Covetousness, Gluttony, Lust.
These, it seems were noted in the 13th, century - but, of course needed revising or up-dating for modern times. So, it came to pass that in 1983 the parliamentary committee on public morality set about the tricky task of re-examining said list of ‘sins’.
The committee, being composed of a selection of cross-party members had, of course, very different views on the matter.
With regard to pride some members with a working class background would, for instance, say that their father and grandfather had been coal miners and they took pride in that heritage. Others with, perhaps, a public school and university background could understand that but, at the same time, were proud of their ancestors service in the high ranks of the military, or in one of the traditional civilian professions such as the law or medicine. So it was, overall, agreed that Pride would no longer, in modern times be regarded as a sin.
When considering envy some of the members secretly envied those who had something which could arouse envy in those less fortunate. However some sort of decision was required; just to keep things moving it was decided that envy though not, perhaps, morally perfect was a natural part of human nature and should be allowed.
Anger: The discussion on this particular ‘sin’ was rather philosophical; it was agreed that most normal people can get angry about something, some of the time and that for some people it is most of the time (in which case they may need help) - so a little anger is OK but too much is a problem. The conclusion was that anger should remain as a ‘provisional’ sin; or ‘kicked into the long grass’ as we say in expert circles.
When it came to sloth, it was generally agreed that the gathered members could not really be bothered to give it any thought; so it was just agreed that it should remain as a sin , if anyone cared.
Covetnousness seemed like quite a healthy human feeling . Who in their heart, does not want his neighbours new car or, sometimes, his wife? however, they decided to take a secret vote on that one to avoid embarrassment. It lost it’s status as a sin.
Gluttony was easy. In these modern times, with so much obesity in evidence it is almost a badge of honour to over-indulge in the calorie department.
Which only left good old lust, which everyone experienced but no-one would admit to; so a dishonest verdict was reached to say yes it is indeed a sin. And so the discussions, meetings and consultations dragged on for a total of nine months including several (erm) ‘fact finding’ trips, to various exotic destinations.
Finally a draft bill was prepared; put into a filing cabinet, and was never seen again. Amen.
Meanwhile, in the pub across the road, it so happened that the very same subject was, very briefly, being discussed – though, it must be said, at a somewhat lower level of intellectual excellence.
‘Harry, you ever heard of the seven deadly sins?’
‘Nah mate, got a fag till I go down the shops?’
‘Help y’self; anyway I found this book on the bus; quite posh with hard covers; it was written by someone called Erasmus.’
‘I think he used to play for Arsenal but I didn’t know he’d written any thing.’
‘No, No, this was ancient history - don’t show your ignorance.’
‘I was never no good at history.’
‘You were never much good at anything mate - let’s face it.’
And so their conversation continued, in a patchy sort of way, over a few drinks but without coming to any more of a conclusion than the government group of public school educated politicians had managed. The moral may be that they could have left it to the man in the street in the first place. At least, it would have been a lot cheaper.