Writing for Fun
July 2019
Cashflow - Bob Wendelkin
Bunter had been to the Tuck Shop to get some ice cream but Mrs Johnson said that he needed to pay off some of the money he owed before she would let him have more credit. It was late in the term and he couldn’t expect any more funds until the start of next term and that seemed an eternity away. He left the shop disappointed and returned to the school where he looked into his locker to find that he only had a three penny bit in his emergency fund box. Bunter sat in the Common Room his head in his hands just bored out of his mind he just didn’t know what to do with himself.
He looked across the room to where some of his class mates were heads down doing the homework.
‘I say, you chaps, you couldn’t lend me a few bob until next term. Can you?’ asked Bunter as he stood by the fire place. He was answered with jeers then his classmates started to throw books and papers at him. He was forced to crouch on the floor as the boys said they were going out to play some cricket. Not one of them asked if Bunter wanted to join them.
As he crouched there he felt so alone, no one would help him and they all rejected him. He eased himself to his feet and looked at the mess that the boys had left around him. Knowing the boys would blame him for the mess if Mr Quelch came into the Common Room so Bunter decided to clear the mess up. As he did so he noticed an interesting paper that just could solve his cash flow problems.
Billy Bunter saw a copy of the Private School Gazette. He read how two boys Jennings and Derbyshire at another school had raised a lot of money for a charity by selling small paper flags that could be pinned to the givers’ lapel showing that they had donated to a good cause.
Bunter was puzzled how could he make money out such a thing. For several days he thought hard how he would do it. Then he had a cloud breaking thought of how it could be done. What he would do was to get some of the town kids to go around the town with tins and collect money for the BBC-F. He would tell them it was for a BBC good cause that they often broadcast on the wireless, he wouldn’t tell them it stood for Billy Bunter’s Cash Flow.
First he would make some paper flags and print on them BBC-F. He was lucky his mother had bought him a Printing Set of little rubber letters that he could arrange to make words and then using a stamp pad he could put ink on the letters and print words on to paper. His mother had bought it for him as she thought it might just improve his spelling but Bunter hadn’t even opened it until just now.
He went back to his classroom that was empty and started to arrange the letters and started to print the flags with BBC-F on them. After what seemed ages to Bunter he had printed about a hundred of the flags. He started to cut then out and fix them to pins. As he looked at the flags on his desk he realised that he needed a tray to put them on so they can be fixed around the town kids necks. He needed something like the trays he had seen around the girls’ necks who sold ice cream in the cinema.
He had seen some cardboard dumped for collection by the dustmen. So Bunter went to the rubbish pile where he found the cardboard but he also found a number of Baked Bean tins that he could convert into collection tins for the town kids to shake under noses of the public. Bunter stood there looking at all the bits that he needed and he thought to himself how could he fail? his ideas were brilliant.
Picking up the pieces he needed he made his way back to the school. He went first to the Metal Work room where he washed and cut the Baked Bean cans in half, he then proceeded to cut a slot in the tin’s lid so that coins could be pushed through, he asked himself should he drill a hole so that notes could be pushed into the tin, he decided that all the collection tins he had seen always have a hole for notes, so he set about drilling the holes. After he made four tins he proceeded to solder the tops to their bottoms. Although he only wanted three tins he had made four so that he tell the town kids that they may keep one for themselves as a reward for their efforts in collecting money for the BBC-F.
Soon Bunter had prepared all the bits and pieces he needed to help with his cash flow problems. As it was Saturday school lessons didn’t happen and the boys were free to do what they wanted. Most of his class usually played sports, cricket in the summer and rugby in the winter, none of that nonsense of running around after a ball or running backwards and forwards between three pieces of wood stuck in the ground appealed to Bunter, his great wish and pleasure was to consume a beautiful cake with extra cream, no, he would leave sport to others.
With all the bits and pieces in a large bag Bunter set off for the town where he hoped he could employ some of the local boys to work for him and sell the flags. Outside the town’s tuck shop Bunter encountered some of the usual lads that often threw rubbish at him. They were just about to do so again when Bunter shouted.
‘Hey, you boys, do you want to earn a few bob for your pockets?’
‘What do you mean?’ said one of the lads.
‘I want four of you to sell BBC-F flags to the people of the town and at the end of the day you give me three tins and you keep one of the tins as your reward for helping with the collection,’ replied Bunter as he showed the flags, trays and the tins.
‘How much do you think we will collect in the tins?’ asked the biggest lad.
‘I reckon that each tin should hold about thirty shillings at least, which should mean that each of you get about ten bob each for your day’s effort, just for shaking a tin under some one’s nose,’ relied Bunter, exaggerating the amount of money they should get for the minimum of effort.
‘What is the collection for?’ asked one of the other lads. ‘It’s for charity,’ replied Bunter, not going into the fact that the beneficiary of the charity was to be him.
‘Okay, agreed their leader but on one condition, that you will pay each of us ten bob for our work.’
‘Very well but only if you collect more than two pounds in all of the tins,’ agreed Bunter but indicating that he wasn’t going to be indebted to them should the scheme fail.
The lads took the equipment and set off to the town where that spent the day shaking the tins at the townspeople as they went shopping. The lads found that they collected most donations outside the shops as people left with their change still in their hands.
Bunter came down to the town a couple of time to see how they were doing. Most of the tins were beginning to become quite heavy and the lads were running out of flags to sell. Bunter dashed back to the school where he quickly made another hundred flags which he took back to the boys selling them in the town.
The shops began to close and Bunter returned to the town to collect his tins. The leader of the town boys claimed the heaviest of the tins for his gang. Bunter returned to the school where he went into Metal Workshop classroom and started to open the tins; he was astonished at the amount that had been collected. There was enough to fund his cash flow for the next few months and them some more. He took out of his pocket the three pence that had formed his own funds and put it to one side on another desk. Just then Mr Quelch was passing the window when he looked in to see Bunter with all the money and tins in front of him. Mr Quelch entered the room.
‘What is all this money Bunter?’ asked Mr Quelch .
‘It’s money I organised with the local lads to collect for a charity,’ replied Bunter, not saying that he was to be the benefit of the charity.
‘That was very kind of you, now gather it all together and I’ll take it to the Headmaster so that he can send it to your charity. Oh, I see you have collected for the BBC. Well done Bunter you have just gone up in my estimation,’ said Mr Quelch.
Bunter feeling he was being robbed of all his efforts and planning as did what he was told he handed all the money over to his teacher.
‘Oh, you have left a three penny bit on that desk pick it up and put it with the rest.’
Bunter was devastated now he had nothing, not even his emergency three pence but still his debt at the Tuck Shop.
‘Oh well there is still tomorrow,’ he said to himself after all his work and planning.