Writing for Fun
February 2019
A Fear of the Unknown - Gerry Miller
James looked at his wife; she had gone off into a trance again, mumbling to herself as they stopped at the traffic lights. A large lorry had crossed in front of them and she became silent, watching her he noticed her lips kept moving and her face had whitened, her hands twitched nervously on her lap. Suddenly a car behind them tooted angrily and James noticed the lights were now green. With a startled gasp Julie was back in the present but the pallor remained. ‘You seemed to be in a trance are you alright?’ James asked. ‘No, No, don’t worry I just drifted off,’ Julie replied but inside she knew the problem’s solution was perhaps coming within her grasp.
Back at home with all the shopping unloaded James took himself off to golf, checking again much to Julie’s annoyance that she was alright. Finally hearing the car drive off ‘Peace at Last’ she said, making her coffee. The incident with the lorry had delivered such a shock that understanding was now within her grasp. She had a place to really start looking for the solution to her panic attacks, trances and absences of time that she had been unable to account for. On her visit to the GP he had been extremely kind and gentle, reassuring her that she was not going mad and eventually it would all become clear or disappear altogether. She left his surgery without medication and reassured James that she was fine and healthy.
The fact remained she had no memories prior to starting work in her present job. Personnel had explained to her that on her very first day she had stumbled and fallen down the escalator. Whilst no serious harm had come to her the amnesia lasted a lot longer than anyone had expected. Julie carried on with her life accepting the facts that she did know and Personnel returned to her copies of all forms and certificates given to them on interview.
Taking the coffee with her she sat at the computer in her office and set to work. Unlocking her desk she took out the beige folder that contained her work so far. She laid out copies of her birth certificate, her baptismal certificate and both her parents’ death certificates. She understood from these documents and the searches she had carried out that she was an orphan. Her engagement cards, her marriage certificate and her employment as a proof reader working at home, were all reliable memories. These had been her starting point because from this point forward she trusted all that she knew and of course the reality of these memories had been easy to check. Julie had felt bound to recheck even this information seriously doubting her sanity as she had.
Her task next was to trace the symbol sign written on the lorry her subconscious had recognised something thus triggering her fit in the car. Finishing her coffee she logged onto her computer, hopefully the aim was to bring this to consciousness. Julie started searching, quite quickly and not as hard as she would have thought there it was. The shock of seeing it again caused Julie to look down at her engagement ring. It was exactly the same shape and the bright ruby shone out as in the logo. She felt queasy and walked out into the garden and strolled around her own little paradise, forcing herself to think about the list of garden jobs, her brain needed time to process what had been written on the side of the lorry. So many pennies were dropping into place. Julie reflected on what her GP had advised, saying, ‘Memories can return all in a rush or a bit at a time. As your mind can cope so they will return.’ She then had been too afraid to ask, ‘What if I can never cope?’
The garden gave her solace and Julie now knew she could and would cope with anything this world was to throw at her. She loved James and loved her life; her only problems had been questions around her mental wellbeing. Her certainty grew these problems would torment her no more, she was now in charge. Now to find out about Mr. Fixit and what influence he had on her past, she remembered the GP’s words ‘These memories must be very traumatic.’