Writing for Fun
September 2018
The Endless . . . - Jeanette Rothwell
‘Oh Dad, let’s have this one, please.’ This from the twins Sam and Ben. Their parents, Martin and Jenny gazed down at the scruffy dog wagging its tale in front of them and knew that they were beaten. It was a sort of Brindle Boxer with white paws, a split ear, and a wonky tail, probably the result of previous territorial scraps. They had come to Battersea Dogs Home to find a suitable dog to replace the much loved elderly pet they had lost a year ago. Rather than a puppy they had decided to look at a rescue dog and their 17 years old, six foot twin boys had taken a fancy to this rather ugly odd looking creature gazing up at them.
If dogs could smile, he would have been smiling, his tail was thumping hard on the tiled floor and you knew that he was a dab hand at making himself agreeable to prospective owners. The Home said he was an amiable dog with a somewhat chequered career and badly needed a secure home. His name was Henry.
After the formalities, paperwork, home inspection, appropriate injections etc. Henry was welcomed into the family home and when he arrived, after having a good sniff around, he settled into his brand-new bed with a sigh of relief and contentment.
However, it very soon became apparent that Henry had two problems. Martin, the Dad, always rose quite early in the week because he needed to avoid the traffic on his way to work. In the morning when he entered the kitchen where Henry slept, the dog would bark furiously with delight. The barking would stop while he wolfed down his breakfast. Then Martin would let him out into the garden for a run-around. Henry was ecstatic and would rush down the garden and round and round barking furiously waking the rest of the family and the nearby neighbours. The endless barking made him decidedly unpopular and nothing they could do seemed to stop him.
His second and rather more annoying problem was that he had excessive flatulence. There was a constant shout from any of the family of ‘Oh Henry, not again!’ followed by the boys rushing out of the room covering their mouths and noses with their hands, Jenny hurriedly opening windows and doors and reaching for the air freshener and Martin ineffectually flapping a newspaper.
Having endured this problem for a week or so, Henry was taken to the Vet for some advice. They tried cutting out meat from his diet which made Henry miserable and unenthusiastic for his vegetable or carbohydrate diet, so they gave up on that one. They tried charcoal tablets which Henry scoffed by the dozen but nothing made any difference. Various other remedies were tried but to no avail, the problem persisted.
Also, the trouble with Henry was that he loved his family and his excessive demonstrations of his love could be very embarrassing especially as his jumping up and down and rushing around in delight, brought on the flatulence problem fourfold. The family shouting ‘Oh Henry!’ just made him think that they were pleased with him and he couldn’t understand when it wasn’t followed by cuddles and treats.
Another member of the family was Martin’s Dad known to them all as Grandpop. He lived a few streets away in a rather ancient cottage. He lived there alone and was fiercely independent but Jenny used to invite him round for Sunday lunch or sometimes evening tea. Grandpop took a great liking to Henry and the feeling was mutual. In fact, when Grandpop was visiting, Henry would sidle up to him and put his head on Grandpop’s knee, gazing at him adoringly. Grandpop would smile and rest his hand on the dog’s head and sometimes doze off. Henry would stay completely still and if it looked as if anybody might disturb Grandpop, Henry would utter a very low growl as a warning to stay away.
One Sunday, Grandpop came to lunch but was unusually quiet and Martin eventually quizzed him about it. Grandpop then told him that there had been a burglary in his street and the Police had been round to advise him that he ought to install a burglar alarm. Martin agreed and urged him to do so but Grandpop just said ‘I don’t want any of that tech stuff in my house. I always lock the windows and doors.’
That evening Martin sat deep in thought until Sam said, ‘Look Dad, Ben and I are off to University fairly soon, so we won’t be able to help with Henry. Why don’t you see if Grandpop would like to look after him? He would certainly be a good burglar alarm, and Grandpop would benefit from having to walk Henry, I am sure.’
Martin heaved a sign of relief. He had been thinking along the same lines but didn’t want to upset the boys. ‘That’s a good idea Sam,’ he said, ‘I’ll put it to Grandpop tomorrow and see what he says.’
The following day Martin snapped on Henry’s lead, much to Henry’s delight and they left the house with Henry telling all the neighbours, noisily, that he was going out for a walk. Martin returned with a large grin on his face, minus Henry. Apparently, Grandpop was delighted and the pair of them (that’s Henry and Grandpop) were very happy with the arrangement.
Martin’s biggest puzzle had been why Grandpop didn’t mind the smell and he asked his Dad about it. His Dad looked puzzled. ‘What smell?’ he asked.
Martin, somewhat surprised, carefully outlined the excessive flatulence habit.
Grandpop laughed. ‘Oh, that’s no problem. Years ago, I had an adenoids operation, and something went wrong. I haven’t had a sense of smell for years!’
Jeanette Rothwell