Writing for Fun
June 2018
Black Pots - Inspiration - Gerry Miller & Sue Barker
Hi, Sue
I rushed panic stricken from the meeting; I had thrown such a valuable piece of sculptured plastic away.
Sobbing I drove home mortified that I had caused you such loss!!
Low and behold just in time I fought with the dustman and, wrestling your precious tray, fell over next doors cat; he then attacked me.
I am seriously wounded sitting in A and E but I have a beaming smile. Though suffering serious harm to my life and limb the result is your most precious of items being rescued and is safely under lock and key in my car boot.
Hoping all is well, flowers chocolates and wine can be delivered direct to me at home.
See you next week
Gerry
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From: sue barker
My dear Gerry,
I appreciate you have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Has anyone ever told you that you are one crazy woman?
I look forward to taking repossession of this essential piece of gardening equipment which I now will value beyond gold.
I tried to reward your efforts but the wine and chocolate was confiscated by the security staff at A & E, in my despair I kicked the nearest security guard, my frustration at letting you down overwhelmed me.
The situation now is I am in the cells at Southend police station, awaiting legal advice. Is there chance you could make me cake with a file in it or is that a request too far?
Kind regards Sue also known as prisoner 132509
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From: GERRY MILLER
Hi Sue
Thank you for letting me know of where you are and more importantly why my wine and chocolates were not at home with me.
Such is life I was really happy to help and in making a cake for you I put the file in the cake so it burned and smelt so badly. The weight of the file made it so heavy that I dropped it removing it from the oven and the sharp pointy end of the file stuck in my foot. I managed to drive to A and E where I also reclaimed the goodies.
I was so lucky to be able to drink the wine to numb the pain while I waited and the chocolates cheered me up no end. Most of the staff liked my cabaret! Once I started singing I got seen very quickly! My foot and toes were pinned and strapped together and then plastered. And as always thinking of you I slipped the file down the side of the plaster. So now I’m plastered head and toes.
That security man, surprisingly knowing you were my friend, manhandled me into my car and I thought I would be seeing you shortly. The walking stick A and E loaned me I wedged on the clutch but my arms are having problems reaching the steering wheel. It’s Roy’s car so I’m not sure its OK.
It’s amazing I think the wine has improved my driving and my eyesight as I saw no zebras or pelicans on the crossings. I didn’t even notice the police car as they drove alongside waving at me. So friendly!
See you soon and enjoy having your breakfast cooked for you and hopefully some sea views.
Love Gerry
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Hi Gerry,
I feel bad that you have hurt your foot while carrying out a kindness in making me a cake. Life can be so unfair.
It’s not so bad here, really; although it would be nice to get out a little more. We can only leave our rooms for one hour a day unless we are sewing mail bags. I am quite tired because the woman in the top bunk does snore so, it started off quite comfortingly as it reminded me of you, but six hours later I am pulling my hair out, literally. I know you are very good at crafts is there any possibility of you could either make me a hair piece or a hat, I’ve become a little self conscious of the bald spot that has appeared.
I can send you a visiting order when you are more mobile; there’s no rush. I am surprised to still be in here but I suppose it’s just my bad luck the governor is the brother of the guard at A & E; what was the chance of that? The governor says he has his eye on me, I always have this affect on men, and it can be a curse. He says I may be here for quite some time.
I’m glad you finally got to enjoy the wine and chocolates, I’m losing lots of weight the food in here is dreadful, which is a problem as you know how sylph like I am; you would cope much better as you are much more voluptuous than me. Maybe you could arrange a parcel of goodies for me? Just the bare essentials such as the wig or hat; and possibly another cake with a file in it; and something tasty to eat please.
To pass some time away I’m practicing my meditation and yoga. Can you remember how to do ‘the needle at the sea bottom’ move? I can’t quite recall the movement, when you visit hopefully you can show me; plaster cast permitting of course.
Love prisoner 654123 otherwise known as Sue
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Hi, prisoner 654123(Formerly known as Sue)
Unfortunately the police did not like the way I was driving, not sure if it was my state of being plastered both ends or that they did not like my clever use of the walking stick. I told them I was going to see you and they very fortunately said they would make it much easier for me!
I thought this was very kind of them!
But I have been placed in a cell and now am known as prisoner 654124 which is nearly the same as you. This is very lucky as we are such good friends!
I tried very hard to explain to them about your black pots, the chocolates and the wine but I’m afraid the file fell out of the plaster cast in the struggle!
It didn’t help that I then threw up over one of them, can’t have been the wine, must have been the chocolates.
I don’t think they much liked that and I’m going to have a special health assessment, I wonder if they will check my cholesterol? I’m fed up now so have started screaming for you after all that’s why I came here!
If you can hear me, knock with your mug on the door, and I can knock back.
I wish Joanie’s three old ladies were here to help us at least an officer said he would pass this to you if I stopped screaming! (I hope)
Lots of love Gerry 654124
PS sorry but I don’t know where the Black Pot Tray has gone, ‘OOPS’
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Dear Gerry 654124
It’s strange how life turns out. I thought I was imagining hearing you while in my bedroom/cell. I was so excited I jumped out of bed. Of course, forgetting that I had swapped bunks with my cell mate the snoring nightmare; and being on the top bunk I landed badly and have broken my ankle.
I have been informed that when in prison now what with the cutbacks the hospital wing was no longer available to me. I think the Governor’s had something to do with this, myself.
So I am now in A & E at Southend Hospital. The security man from my initial encounter is still here and has insisted that I am handcuffed as I am ‘dangerous and violent’. Never, Gerry and I mean never, have I been described as such, it’s not fair. This all started because I wanted to bring you, my very dear friend a gift to cheer you up in your time of need.
Strangely enough the said security man has hinted that if I were to supply him with wine and chocolates he’d put a good word in with the Governor when I return to prison.
The question is now, who can I ask to bring wine and chocolates to the hospital as you are obviously unable to help? Do you know of anyone?
I have some important inside information: Joanie’s three old ladies are still in the prison having right royally ticked off the governor with their antics; they are planning a jail break, next time you go to get slops/lunch mention you are a friend of Bond, Joan Bond and they will provide you with a ‘Get out of Jail Free’ card.
And finally I must say I am disappointed that you’ve lost my plastic tray which is so important to me. I think we will have to have a conversation about this soon.
Your friend Sue xx