Writing for Fun
March 2018
The Mystery Of The Missing Hat - Anna Browning
Miranda preened at herself in the mirror, bending her head this way and that way, adjusting the brim of the most extravagantly designed hat ever to have been seen, never mind worn in the village of Barton Mills. When she was finally happy with the way the hat framed her face she gave herself a smug self-satisfied smile as if to say, ‘Aren’t you gorgeous.’ If she didn’t succeed in ensnaring the widowed vicar with her outfit she would simply give up. She gently removed the amazing creation from her head and handed it to the assistant, saying, ‘It is extremely expensive but I will have it.’ She strode out of the shop with a flourish holding the beautifully coloured ribbons encasing the smart hat box. Miranda couldn’t wait to show it off at the summer fete.
The hall was seething with committee members bustling around getting in each other’s way, all on a mission to get the fete prepared in time for the grand opening. The Mayor himself was honouring the village with his presence, so tensions were rising. The stalls outside looked colourful and inviting. The usual contenders, book stall, cake stall, craft, face painting, flowers and plants, hoopla, white elephant, treasure hunt, lucky dip, pre-loved clothing and best pet stall. Hopefully the money raised would help significantly towards the church renovations.
When the committee members were finally happy with the end result they downed tools and went to their relative homes to change into their finery. Marjorie and Jane were the first to arrive back at the village hall looking very elegant and bright in their floating summer dresses and hats. Fiona arrived next in her fuchsia pink trouser suit and wide brimmed straw hat. Robert and Paul joined them next in their smart suits. Robert even wore a hat set at a jaunty angle, looking very dapper. Daphne, John and Sandra arrived last and looked just as smart.
Richard the vicar wandered in smiling absentmindedly, carrying bits of paper, probably reminders for his speech. The single women in the group automatically sidled up to him smiling flirtatiously. Richard was a fine figure of a man, his warm, charming manner attracted everyone. Daphne fluttered her eyelashes at him whilst Fiona put her arm intimately through his arm and whispered confidentially into his ear. She was probably trying to ingratiate herself into becoming his hostess at the next village event. Poor Richard was finding himself totally smothered but he managed to evade these rapacious women with expert handling despite his bumbling persona. All that is except one.
Miranda arrived with a dramatic entrance a vision of purple splendour with her hat her crowning glory. She managed to stun everyone into silence. She glanced at them with a condescending smile. ‘And what have you all been up to? I hope you have got everything ready as the Mayor is just coming up behind me,’
As she uttered those words Derek walked in and stopped short by Miranda’s pose. ‘And what have we here? Why are you all looking so guilty?’
‘Nothing for you to worry about, Derek, it’s just Miranda trying to wind us up.’ Paul laughed and they all joined in. Miranda stormed off in a huff.
The Mayor gave his usual boring speech with a couple of dismal jokes which failed to raise any laughs. Only Miranda applauded him with great enthusiasm. The lack of response just went over his head. Poor Derek was just too dense to realise he was lacking in star quality. Miranda being his only fan. The vicar then declared the fete open and everyone moved off to investigate what was on offer.
As the sun rose higher in the sky, the temperature grew hotter and hotter. People began to gradually relinquish their clothing. Men mopped their brows as perspiration poured down. Women fanned their faces frantically with their programs trying to cool themselves. Lemonade and beers were hugely popular doing a roaring trade, vastly increasing the fete’s coffers.
The women all headed for the pre-loved clothing stall, (a posh name for second hand clothes), all searching for the designer bargain. Daphne and Fiona just sniffed as they strolled by with their noses in the air. As for Miranda well, the stall was just a no-go area especially as she was also a benefactor. After all as the Lady of the Manor there was no way she would demean herself. Poor Miranda she just didn’t know how to let go.
At the farm animal corner nearby, the goat, always hungry, was sneakily nibbling at the flower garland hanging around the Alpaca’s neck. Meanwhile the pony rides meandered through the stalls, whilst the dog show was gathering momentum, with the owners enthusiastically cheering their own pet’s progress. Richard was as pleased as punch. He had never seen the fete so crowded. The church would really benefit. Marjorie called out to him saying she was needed elsewhere and would he find one of the other ladies to cover her stall. As he looked around he espied Miranda and her huge hat. He beckoned her over explaining the situation. That the farm animal corner needed help. She shuddered with horror. How could he expect her to fill that role, a woman in her position? But then she looked into his gorgeous brown eyes and weakened. ‘You know I will do anything for you Richard.’
He smiled at her weakly and prayed this wouldn’t leave him vulnerable to her advances, God help him. Miranda gingerly edged nearer to the animals and looked round to place her handbag and hat. She found a box and placed them there. Children were swarming around, chattering and stroking the animals, their sticky hands everywhere, touching Miranda’s dress as they excitedly asked her questions. ‘Miss, why are the piglet’s tails curly and the goat’s isn’t?’ and, ‘Why are the chickens all different colours?’ Miranda’s head was spinning in a whirl. Just as she thought she would collapse in a heap, Marjorie turned up and relieved her in her hour of need.
Miranda searched round wildly for her hat and bag but couldn’t see them anywhere, then noticed one of the little girls dragging her handbag along the ground through the muck and straw. She screamed in horror and snatched the bag off the child, trying to wipe the dirt off the expensive leather. She looked down at her own dress and cried out in dismay. There were filthy fingerprints and stains all over it. And she still couldn’t see her hat. Her wonderful purple creation. Why was this happening to her? What had she done to deserve this nightmare? Surely she couldn’t be that bad?
Everyone started searching half-heartedly for the missing hat, laughing and sniggering whilst looking around. But it wasn’t to be found. Marjorie took Miranda off to tidy up and have a cup of tea. But more likely a stiff drink from the first aid cupboard kept for emergencies. The afternoon wore on with all the prizes being won and presented by the Mayor. The crowds started to dwindle with just the villagers left, dismantling the bunting and clearing the stalls. When suddenly Nanny the goat trotted by with Miranda’s hat stuck on its head. The vicar grabbed it and gave it to Miranda apologetically. Poor Miranda burst into tears. Richard felt so sorry for her, despite her snobby ways, she was a good sort and did not deserve this humiliation. He put his arms around her sympathetically drawing her close to him. Daphne and Fiona looked in horror and jealousy, wishing it was them instead. Miranda looked like a helpless kitten, no longer the arrogant persona she usually presented. Her flushed, pretty face glistening with tears drew out the chivalry in the men standing there, all wanting to help and protect her.
Richard suddenly felt quite comfortable comforting Miranda. It felt just right as she rested her head against his shoulder. He gently drew her away from the gawking onlookers towards the Vicarage. She glowed with pleasure at his attentiveness, feeling quite overwhelmed. All concern about the hat disappeared. As far as she was concerned Richard was far more important as she imagined herself in the role of the vicar’s wife.