Writing for Fun
February 2018
Last Summer - Anna Browning
The day had finally arrived, that I had waited so long for in dreaded anticipation. I could hardly breathe never mind think straight. But I had prepared myself for what lay ahead. My courage held me in good stead and my resolve to seek accountability remained firm. My clothes were laid out in a tidy pile all ready and waiting to be donned for the most important day so far, in my young life. I took a deep breath and got out of bed.
My memories of last summer centred around my final day of school. The whole class including my friends were all planning to go to the beach and celebrate with lots of food, music and drink. We were saying goodbye to our school days and looking forward to a new exciting future. We strolled down to the sea-front in groups, laughing and shrieking, high on excitement at what lay ahead.
My friends and I were all heady with ambition. We would probably end up going to different universities to study our selected subjects. My interests lay with the sciences, and hopefully with good grades I would go to Cambridge. In the meantime the sun was shining and good fun beckoned us all. The tide was in and we rushed to remove our clothes, running into the sea gasping at the ice-cold sting of the waves splashing against our hot bodies.
Life was good. I floated on my back looking up at the blue sky feeling blissfully happy. I came out of the sea, grabbing my towel and headed towards the barbecue and food, suddenly feeling hungry. Josh was tending the sausages and burgers with Will. A few other lads were messing around with the buns and handing them out, brimming with juicy meat and sauces. Some of the girls got busy with plates and laying out blankets. We all sat around stuffing ourselves with the food, laughing and joking. Dan picked up the guitar and started to strum out a few bars of a popular tune.
We all relaxed feeling stuffed and lazy, laying back sunning ourselves. Bottles of wine suddenly appeared and were passed round. The sun was sinking low until it disappeared on the horizon. The sky was darkening and a fire was started, warming us as the sea breezes grew stronger. Gradually everyone drifted into couples. I was beginning to feel dizzy, probably due to too much booze. But I felt comfortable as I was with my mates and I was in love with Josh, my first boyfriend.
I was beginning to feel sick as more wine was passed around. Josh was also looking worse for wear. The boys had been passing joints around and he had been smoking them for a while. We decided to leave. My friends looked at me anxiously, wondering wherever I was okay to go without them. But I managed to reassure them that Josh would look after me. We staggered off. Luckily I didn’t live far and I just made it in time to get to the bathroom. I felt so ill, retching and vomiting. My skin was clammy with sweat. Thank goodness my parents were away and didn’t see me like this. I just had Josh to rely on. But he was also out of it. He managed to help me up the stairs to my bedroom.
I fell onto the bed with Josh landing on top of me, laughing he pulled my clothes off. I felt too weak to stop him. My head was pounding and swirling in a hazy mist. I could barely breathe as Josh began to remove his own clothes and got back on top of me, forcing himself on me. My head exploded with lack of air, then blackness enveloped me.
I came to in the early hours of the morning. My mouth was dry and my tongue felt thick and swollen. My body was weak and sore as if I had been in a fight. My clothes were strewn all over the floor. Josh had disappeared nowhere to be seen. I lay there in shock and bewilderment. What had happened to me? I got out of bed and wandered delicately to the mirror. My face looked pale and my eyes drawn with dark shadows. My hair looked like I had been dragged backwards through a hedge and my arms were covered in bruises.
I found my phone on the floor and phoned Josh for explanations, but no answer. I listlessly sat down trying to think about what I was going to do. How stupid could I be, drinking like a fish with no concern for my safety? I acted like an idiot. I blamed myself for my wild out of the ordinary behaviour. How could I be so naive? But then despite my stupidity I was or had been a virgin and had trusted Josh to take care of me. I wasn’t to blame, he was. Filled with embarrassment and shame I had to speak to him. But despite my futile attempts. I couldn’t get hold of him.
I felt so angry, I couldn’t believe he could treat me like this, as if I didn’t exist. I decided despite the odds against me and my instinctual need for revenge, I had to be brave and face the consequences. I had to make him face the truth of his actions and shoulder the burden, not I. I refused to be a victim. I needed healing and closure not a sordid memory to carry through the rest of my life. I got dressed and called a taxi to take me to the nearest police station.