Writing for Fun
November 2017
Things That Go Bump In The Night - Jan Norman
It was nearly Halloween, said to be the time when ghouls, ghosts and restless spirits roam the earth and things go bump in the night.
The knights and their wives were staying in King Aga’s castle in Cam a Lot celebrating the king’s birthday when strange things started to happen. Unaccountable noises started to be heard making everyone nervous. Objects disappeared only to turn up somewhere else. Sir Eat a Lot complained that food on a tray in his room had vanished and Sir Drink a Lot said his tankard had been drained.
As if on cue a low rumbling sound could be heard above them. On hearing this the king, getting even more jumpy and irritable, suddenly stood up, thumped the table and saying enough was enough sent everyone to their bedchambers: the ladies to go to bed and the knights to put on armour, don their weapons and prepare themselves for an all night vigil, patrolling the castle to catch whomever or whatever was disturbing the King’s peace.
If the truth were known he was very scared and did not want everyone to see his knees starting to knock with fear. The knights, just as spooked, ushered out their womenfolk in such a hurry that they jammed the doorway. Sir Get it Wrong a Lot clapped his hands in glee as he thought it was the start of a new party game.
Five minutes later terrible wailing and screeching followed by yelling and loud thumps sent shivers down everyone’s spine. Spilling out onto the landing the king bellowed for his knights to rally to him. In various states of undress, some with armour and some with weapons, they all flew into the corridor and together with their King started running towards the unholy noise which was coming from one of the knight’s bedrooms.
King Aga, with his crown askew over his nightcap and his nightdress flapping round his knees brandished his sword aloft and burst into the bedroom of Sir Goes Berserk a Lot and his wife, the witch Amelia Fruitloops. The others were close behind.
He stopped dead in astonishment causing the knights behind to crash into him. The king’s crown and various weapons clattered to the floor.
There were no malicious ghouls or spirits in the room only Sir Goes Berserk a Lot hanging onto a shrieking Granny Fruitloops, his big hairy arms around her waist trying desperately to stop her reaching her broomstick, which, although he had chained it to the wall, was straining just like Granny to break free.
‘What on earth is going on here?’ bellowed the king, now in a complete rage, as, picking up his crown, he had found a huge dent in it.
Sir Goes Berserk a Lot tried to explain that he was trying to prevent witch, Granny Amelia, flying off to a Halloween party with her sister witches in her home town of Not a Lot and perhaps incur his majesty’s displeasure if she drank silly juice and caused trouble with her silly spells.
‘Well Granny Fruitloops you still have incurred my wrath. Obey your husband or I will banish you forever. Is that clear?’ roared King Aga and, spinning round, fixed her husband with a terrible stare. ‘As for you, Sir, although you seem incapable of controlling one little woman, your wife, I am giving you a chance to redeem yourself. Organise this ill disciplined rabble of knights into a fighting force worthy of me and catch whomever or whatever is haunting my castle or you will be banished. Is that clear?
Sir Goes Berserk a Lot, with cheeks flaming, bowed his head in shame and vowed not to fail his king.
When everyone had left he turned with a tear in his eye to his lovely witch wife and held out his hand.
‘Here is the key to unchain your broomstick, Amelia. You are a headstrong wee lass but I am a proud man. I need my wife to show respect. I nae want to keep you by my side with force, sweet lassie, that way a marriage does not prosper. Stay only if you want to stay. Now I must try to do my duty and rid the king of the thing or the creature that is tormenting this castle.’
After he had left Amelia sat still for a long time, tears rolling down her cheeks. Suddenly she seemed to come to a decision. Dashing away her tears, her eyes now alight with a new found gleam of determination, she unlocked her broomstick and grabbing a lighted lantern mounted and flying through the window embrasure disappeared into the inky night sky.
Sir Goes Berserk a Lot rounded up the knights of the nearly round table and tried to organise a disciplined search party. He despatched them to patrol different sections of the castle; Sir Pray a Lot, Sir Fall over a Lot and Sir Gets it Wrong a Lot were to protect the battlements and organise the ordinary soldiers already there.
Sir Cry a Lot was to check the dungeons with the added bonus that if he did not find anything his tears would give the place a much needed wash.
Sir Cost a Lot and Sir Worth a Lot were to patrol the munitions and store rooms.
Sir Rust a Lot was to check the turret rooms and spiral staircases. All the others were to cover the corridors and hallways of the three floors of the keep with him stationed outside the king’s rooms, on the first floor, to protect his Majesty and provide a rallying point.
On his way to the battlements Sir Pray a Lot’s prayers included one for his saintly wife for knitting and wrapping him in a long white woolly cloak. Pulling the hood well over his face to keep out the bitter foggy air he began climbing the wooden stairs humming his favourite hymn in a high pitched warble.
Sir Gets it Wrong a Lot and Sir Falls Over a Lot were already on the battlements. Hearing the noise both peered into the mist and saw a ghostly white apparition floating up the stairs, wailing pitifully. Sir Gets it Wrong a Lot looked puzzled and turned to ask Sir Falls Over a Lot if he had got it wrong – should they be in Halloween costume? – only to see his companion’s heels as he ran for the other staircase and safety.
In his panic Sir Falls Over a Lot collided with sold
In the dungeons, Sir Cry a Lot had to keep stopping and relighting the torch he was carrying because his avalanche of tears caused the air to mist and put out the flames.
Suddenly he heard a loud whooshing noise and a high scream. Terrified he threw himself onto the floor and before his torch extinguished swore he saw a hideous creature flying through the air, a lighted lantern swinging from the front of the monster it was riding.
Sir Rust a Lot on the upper floor suddenly heard a low rumbling sound and hideous shrill laughter behind him. Something hard hit him in the back knocking him to the ground. He scrambled up and gave chase. The apparition disappeared down the turret stairs. Running in hot pursuit, heedless of bits of rusty armour flying from his body, he rounded the opening of the staircase. Unfortunately he skidded on a rusty piece of chainmail that had just fallen; his feet flew in the air as his body plunged into the stairwell. His back armour plate struck the wall and with a terrifying shrieking sound and with sparks flying his body skidded round the curved walls heading downwards. He screamed for all he was worth.
Sir Goes Berserk a Lot, standing by the downstairs exit of the stairs, braced himself for battle. The noise and intermittent light was terrifying; even he was scared.
He ‘Ooofed’ as he was hit by something hard and then trodden on by some small creature. Scrambling to his feet he ‘Ooofed’ again and went down with a bang as Sir Rust a Lot shot out like a bullet and hit him amidships. They both got up only to hear Amelia scream, ‘Duck.’ They threw themselves to the floor and felt their hair move as she shot past on her broomstick.
The king hearing all the commotion strode out of his bedchamber demanding to be told what on earth was going on.
Winded, both Sir Goes Berserk a Lot and Sir Rust a Lot could not speak but just as the king was about to explode Amelia rode into view with a small boy dangling by his hood caught over the front of her broomstick.
Dropping him in front of the king, Granny witch explained. Ashamed at her behaviour she wanted to make amends for her selfishness and disobedience and solve the mystery. Cruising round the castle on her broomstick she had seen this young waif, very thin and covered only in rags bowling a small cannon ball around the corridors for fun, occasionally taking food and drink because he was starving.
It turned out that he was an orphan who had been turned away from the palace kitchens when begging for food. Hunger and cold had driven him, in desperation, to sneak in when nobody was looking.
By the time his tale had been told all the grownups were crying buckets. Sir Cry a Lot would have been proud of them.
Again, as in all good fairy tales, the King was delighted with Amelia and Sir Goes Berserk a Lot for solving the mystery and even more delighted when they told him they were going to adopt the boy. Aga promised to throw a huge party in their honour and invite all his brave knights.
It was definitely going to be a Halloween to remember.