Writing for Fun
October 2016
The Parasite - Jeanette Rothwell
Michael smiled and beckoned to his next client. It was a Mrs Stone, who came to his hairdressing salon once a week. His smile hid his sinking heart as he helped her to don the all enveloping gown, tied it at the throat and helped her into the chair. He knew he would have to listen to a diatribe of moans and anecdotes of her family life and it was obvious that having got all her complaints off her chest she would emerge from the salon, with her newly set hair, rested and relieved. He told himself that he was doing a service to listen to her while he was washing and setting her rather sparse grey tresses.
She sat down with a sigh. He picked up his comb and started to whisk her hair across her head with the required flair of an experienced hairdresser, while remarking how well the set had held this week and what did she want him to do with it for the coming week.
‘Just a trim and the usual please Michael.’
He took her to the sink and proceeded to shampoo and condition while she chatted away. He really wasn’t listening but gradually he began to realise that she was telling him a different story than usual and the words ‘parasites’ and ‘spongers’ began to penetrate his mind.
He understood that her husband’s younger brother and his wife had come to stay. She had never liked them but her husband felt sorry for them as his brother had lost his job and had to move out of their flat. She didn’t know how long they were going to have to put up with them and she was at her wits end trying to feed them, do their washing, clear up after them and generally be treated like a dogsbody while her husband smiled and enjoyed his brother’s company.
Her brother-in-law was a rather weak man, dominated by his demanding wife. Her sister-in-law was a lazy cow and didn’t lift a finger to help. Mrs Stone believed that this woman had made her way through life managing never to quite enjoy herself. Not having the sunniest of dispositions, she just worried about her own health and comfort. How could Mrs Stone get rid of them without upsetting her husband? Did Michael have any ideas?
Michael shook his head and continued with his work. Mrs Stone left, giving him his usual tip, looking dejected. He thought nothing more about it until he settled down in the evening, watching the TV. He flicked through the programmes and came across a documentary about Norovirus on Cruise Ships and how it affected situations where a lot of people were confined to the same space. Food for thought.
The next week Mrs Stone entered the salon looking very unhappy, her shoulders slumped, her expression grumpy. He enquired after her health and she launched into a long story about the parasites in her house. The In-laws! Her sister-in-law had taken to her bed, convinced she had double pneumonia because she sneezed twice at breakfast. Her brother-in-law hovered solicitously over her, doing nothing except shake his head and make sympathetic noises. Mrs Stone said she was being run ragged and even her husband was beginning to find the situation uncomfortable.
Michael then remembered the documentary he had watched last week and that Mrs Stone often attended the local Primary School as a volunteer to help some children with their reading. He suggested that she tell a little white lie and mention that some children had been diagnosed with Norovirus and the school were being very careful about hygiene etc. A hint about its existence might spark a reaction from her sister-in-law. A gleam came into the old lady’s eyes and she left the salon looking a little more cheerful than when she arrived.
The following week she was almost unrecognisable as the same woman when she appeared. She positively bounced into the salon and as soon as she was sitting comfortably she told her story. When she had arrived home from her session at the Primary school, she went upstairs to ask her sister-in-law whether she was comfortable and received a rather non-committal reply. Within her sister-in-law’s earshot, she told her husband that some of the children had been diagnosed with Norovirus but she was sure she had not come across any who were infected and she would be sure to wash her hands and be careful about food hygiene, etc.
It took the ‘parasites’ two days to pack their bags. They had persuaded another relative to take them in and with many thanks for the Stones’ hospitality, they couldn’t have left fast enough.
Laughingly Mrs Stone described their departure and how they wouldn’t even shake hands or venture to kiss a cheek, they were so scared of being infected. Michael laughed with her and remarked that now she could settle back into her previously comfortable life.
‘No such luck,’ she remarked. ‘Just before I left home, I received a telephone call from my daughter. She has decided to leave her husband who is a bit of a philanderer, and would like to live with us for a while. She will of course be bringing her seven-year old twin sons with her. No rest for the wicked!’