Writing for Fun
January 2015
Life Is . . . - Bob Wendelkin
This was to be the very last court case to come before him. He had sat on the bench for the last 40 years and he was now looking forward to his retirement. During his service he had one case after another, all usually boringly similar, with similar persons, similar crimes and similar sentences. Some cases where the accused was blatantly guilty with a very long history of crime and others where they were all at sea and the situation was completely beyond their comprehension.
* * *
'I think that the jury has heard sufficient evidence from the witnesses to prove beyond any shadow of doubt the accused is guilty. He should feel the full force of the Law' said the Prosecuting Council then he resumed his seat.
'Thank you, Defence Council, have you anything to say in your client's defence?' asked the Judge.
At this point the accused shot out of his chair before his defence council could say a word and said, 'My Lord if I might say something?'
'I think you would be better served to let your council do the talking as that is his profession, or do you wish to change your plea?'
'Good Lord, no, I just want to say sometime to the court,' replied the accused.
'Very well speak your piece but don't make it too long,' said the Judge.
'When I look round at the members of the court I can't help thinking how much these people, including yourself, owe to people like me. Where would the members of the legal profession earn their livings, the court officials, even the cleaners of the court all earning their living because of people like me; outside this court the police and later the prison officers, even the insurance companies owe their existence to my work. Their life is based on the actions of people like me. The poor people in our community can buy the things I take at prices they can afford. No, I feel I'm an asset not a liability as I provide employment.'
'That's very interesting. I now pass the decision about your future to the jury. I think what you have said will have determined their verdict.'
The jury left the court and retired to consider the verdict. After about ten minutes they returned and the judge reconvened the court. The jury delivered the guilty verdict.
The judge called the prisoner to the bar and started to pass the sentence.
'I have been on the bench for nearly forty years and I thank the prisoner and people like him for providing me with a very good income. Today is my very last day that I shall sit as a Judge and during all those years I have never had the opportunity to pass this sentence,' said the judge as he straightened himself up in his seat.
'The jury have quite rightly passed a guilty verdict upon you.' Then from under his seat he produced a black cap that he quickly placed upon his head.
'You will be taken from this place, then to a lawful place of execution where you will be hanged by the neck until you are dead. May the Lord have mercy on your soul. Take him down.'
For some moments there was complete silence in the court as what the Judge had said was digested.
Then court broke up in complete uproar. The reporters rushed to the doors, the lawyers were totally gob smacked. The noise in the court was unprecedented. The prisoner collapsed, the two officers beside him were struck immobile.
The judge just sat in his chair with a great smile upon his face and he began to laugh to himself as he watched the court dissolve into total confusion, he removed the black cap and flicked it into the middle of the court. The Officials of the Court who had such high opinions of themselves were totally wrong footed. The Recorder managed to collect himself together and he went up to the Judge.
'My Lord, that sentence is no longer possible, it was removed some fifty years ago. The normal sentence for this crime is a two hundred pound fine or six months,' said the Recorder.
'Thank you Mr Recorder for reminding me,' replied the Judge still with a great grin on his face.
Addressing the Prisoner once more, 'You will also pay a two hundred pound fine.'