August 2011
Jason watched as the couple locked up the car and went into the hotel. BMW - easy peasy, he thought. In seconds he had the door open, the car started and he was away. Years of practise had made Jason an expert at stealing cars. This one should bring a good price he thought as he roared off down the motorway.
'Hey not so fast!'
That's funny, he thought, I could have sworn I heard a voice.
'Where do you think you're going?'
There it was again. Oh no! don't say I've nicked a car with someone in it.
Jason peered through the mirror, can't see anyone, he thought, unless I've kidnapped a dwarf.
'Will you slow down you moron.'
'Will you shut up.' replied Jason.
'Don't you speak to me like that young man.'
'You just went through a red light you idiot. Just be careful.'
By now Jason realised he had someone trapped in the boot. What to do.
'Just you turn round, put the car back. I won't tell anyone.'
'Where are you?'
'I'm here on the seat.'
Jason looked – nothing. He pulled into a lay by, got out of the car and opened the boot. It was empty.
There was nothing in the car except the small cardboard box tucked on the floor by the front seat. It didn't look very interesting, night be worth a look, could be something to sell.
Jason got back into the car and drove.
'I told you not to drive so fast, you stupid boy.'
'I told you to shut up!' Jason replied. He suddenly realised he was talking to someone who wasn't there. Hearing voices and actually answering them. I must be going mad he thought.
It's the stress of nicking all these cars, well maybe I'd better lay off for a while.
'You'd better lay off now. I keep telling you, take the car back.'
By now, thoroughly frightened, Jason began to panic. Realising he was going mad, his life of petty crime was catching up on him. Maybe it was time to pack it in.
'Look where you're going, you yob. You nearly hit that police car.'
'Oh shut up!' Now truly petrified Jason drove back to the hotel, stopped the car by the road side and got out. The police were outside talking to the man Jason recognised as the car owner.
'You say there was nothing in the car.'
'No, only my mother-in-law's ashes, in a cardboard box, we were taking them to be scattered in her favourite spot in the park.'