Writing for Fun
June 2019
A Sarfend Cockney – Jeanette Rothwell
When I was a young twist and twirl, I lived in the East End of London and every summer we would take an Orange Cockroach on a journey to Sarfend. The boot would be filled with crates of Pigs Ears and on the way we would stop at a Rub a Dub called the Dick Turpin for some further sustenance.
Once there, we would take a ball of chalk along the front having a butcher’s hook at the housemaids knee, and then on to eat fish and chips out of a linen draper.
The Kursaal was the next stop where we would hand over the Bugs Bunny and I would head straight to the Big Dipper which was my favourite. My Mum would come on with me and we would hold on very tight, I would close my mince pies, as it swooped and climbed along the track.
I once lost a band off my Barnet on the ride, and another time my Almond Rock flew up in my boatrace.
By now the rest of the company were getting elephant’s trunk on Salmon and Trout and there was a lot of Noah Arks going on. The nearest Jack Tar was full of revellers and a lot of Ding Dongs were being sung round a Joanna making a tremendous box of toys.
Time to go home, a lot of Bo-peep on the cockroach, some gentle humming, daffy down dilly pranks, and Turkish baths. The current bun had set and I could just about stay awake ‘til we got home. I would have some Tommy Tucker and then climb the apples and pears to my uncle Ted after a lovely Harry Lime.
Translation
A SARFEND COCKNEY
When I was a young GIRL, I lived in the East End of London and every summer we would take an Orange COACH on a journey to Sarfend. The boot would be filled with crates of BEER and on the way we would stop at a PUB called the Dick Turpin for some further sustenance.
Once there, we would take a WALK along the front having a LOOK at the SEA, and then on to eat fish and chips out of NEWSPAPER.
The Kursaal was the next stop where we would hand over the MONEY and I would head straight to the Big Dipper which was my favourite. My Mum would come on with me and we would hold on very tight, I would close my EYES, as it swooped and climbed along the track.
I once lost a band off by HAIR on the ride, and another time my FROCK flew up in my FACE.
By now the rest of the company were getting DRUNK on STOUT and there were a lot of LARKS going on. The nearest BAR was full of revellers and a lot of SONGS were being sung round a PIANO making a tremendous NOISE.
Time to go home, a lot of SLEEP on the coach, some gentle humming, SILLY pranks, and LAUGHS. The SUN had set and I would just about stay awake til we got home. I would have some SUPPER and then climb the STAIRS to my BED after a lovely TIME.