Writing for Fun
May 2022
Cabbage Patch Conflict - Lynn Gale
Harriet Herbert, a well-known plangonologist, was ecstatic. A rare Cabbage Patch doll will be auctioned this Thursday afternoon at 'Colby's auction house. The 'Teresa Ann', with its green eyes, and dimples, signed by its creator Xavier Roberts, made it one of the most valuable and sought after dolls in the collection.
The last time one of the coveted dolls went on sale was the flame-haired 'Anne Greta', last year. Attending that auction, Harriet arrived with £700 in her account and knew she could not bid a penny more. As the auction progressed, she had taken it to £600, confident the doll would soon be hers.
Then a card went up, and a new bid of £620 was declared.
Who was this mysterious new bidder? She craned her neck to see but the hall was too crowded.
She raised her bid to £640. ‘£660,’ cried a high voice.
Finally, Harriet bid £700. Please, please, drop out, she prayed.
‘£720,’ said the other bidder.
‘Any advance on £720?’ The auctioneer scanned the room, settling on Harriet's distraught face. ‘£725?’ he queried.
She shook her head, biting her lip to suppress the tears welling up behind her eyes.
The successful bidder came forward to hand her number over to the assistant. That was when Harriet first laid eyes on Truly Fielding, who gave Harriet a self-satisfied grin as she passed.
Who was this woman? With her blonde ringlets and round babyface, bearing more than a passing resemblance to a Cabbage Patch doll. And who on earth calls herself Truly?
This would not be the only time she would battle with her nemesis. Three times she had outbid Harriet for prized dolls. But not this time, she decided. This time she would succeed.
Her dolls filled every space in her small flat. From their shelves on the wall, they stared down at Harriet with their painted eyes of various shades. She totted up her savings working out what she could afford to bid for the 'Teresa Anne'.
On the day of the auction, Harriet arrived early to examine the doll. She requested that it be removed from the box to check that all authentication markers were present. While she was taking a closer look at the signature on the doll's rear, a loud, nasally, high voice declared. ‘And this is the one I shall be adding to my collection.’ Truly Fielding, her arm interlocked with a dapper young man wearing a Quentin Crisp hat, nodded towards Harriet. A sly smile played across her lips.
‘For our final item of the day.’ The Auctioneer announced, ‘Lot 57. A very rare 'Teresa Anne' Cabbage Patch doll, signed by Xavier Roberts. Let's start the bid at £500.’
Harriet went straight in with £1,500, taking out any other casual bidder. This amount caused a collective gasp from the crowd, who had just got up to leave. They promptly removed coats and jackets and sat down again. Truly looked surprised but made a counter-bid of £1,600. The bidding war carried on until Truly made a bid of £4,300, twice the doll's value. Harriet pursed her lips and raised her card. £5,000, she called, giving Truly a triumphant stare. A murmur rippled across the crowd who were agog at the bidding war over a child's toy.
Harriet, fingers crossed, held her breath and waited.
‘£6,000,’ Truly almost screamed out the amount. The crowd cheered.
Harriet shook her head in defeat.
‘Going once, going twice.’ The auctioneer banged his gavel down. ‘Sold.’
Harriet blew out her breath and turned to Truly. ‘Congratulations,’ she said. ‘You deserved it.’
Truly raised her eyebrows. ‘Well, I always get what I want.’
‘Oh, by the way.’ Harriet smiled. ‘That signature on your ‘Teresa Anne. It’s a fake.’